Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Rambling’s In This Woman’s Mind


Have you ever gotten into a slump and needed a beehive kicking to get you out of it?I’m bi-polar and need it often but it seems no one will give it to me. My fiancée says that I can be a little, shall we say intimidating at time’s. So, I end up giving myself one.

Like now for example, there are eight people living in my three bedroom house. No one is working right now (Mark and I was laid off back in Oct. and neither of us have found jobs yet). The only money coming in is my unemployment and child support, which is not enough to pay the rent. Luckily, I have a really good relationship with my landlord and have never been late until now, so he is working with us. The only thing I don’t have to worry about is food. The kids fight and argue about helping to keep the house cleaned. They only have to do general pick-up and they act like it will kill them.

For twelve years I was abused and have only been out of that for two years. So I’m still dealing with the fall out from that. Mark also was abused by his ex-wife and he’s still dealing with that. Then there was the holiday’s which wasn’t fun for me.

But now, they are over and the New Year is around the corner I have decided that I’m going to get my act together and do something for myself and my family. I’m going to kick my own beehive. Here are the however many steps, that I’m going to take to get myself together and my writing as well.

1. I am going to get my house organized this week. The things that get put off because your day is broken up into kids “out of school - kids in school” is going to get done this week. There is no reason for me to be so OCD that I can’t let Mark and the kids help me out. They just need to pay attention to what needs to be done and the way it needs done. I’m going to make a list for each of them and tomorrow it is work time. I promise myself this but I’ll let you know how it goes.

2. Today, I am going to get my office and craft area set up. Then I’m going to put a notebook and pen in EVERY room in the house. And if the kids TOUCH it I’m going to hang them from the ceiling fan and turn it on high. Make them look like one of the Gremlins.

3. Every day I am going to write something, anything in order to get back to my writing. I’ve always loved it and want to do it , so instead of wanting I need to DO it. But, as you can see my mind ramble’s so much that I can’t keep a coherent (love spell check) string of thought. So, I’m going to work on that using my writing so I can finish my book, which of course, is the real goal for the year. Doesn’t have to be sold, it just has to be written. Even if it’s just the rough draft.

4. I’m going to work on feeling and being less socially accord. I was so isolated for so long that and through so much that I no longer know how to act around people. And have a very negative attitude most of the time. I don’t like it so I’m going to change it.

5. Work towards turning ME into the person I want to be.

Ok I’m done rambling for now. If you made any sense of this let me know I’ll be happy to hear someone did.

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