Monday, January 4, 2010

Mother’s Guilt and The Year of ME!!

Mother’s sacrifice things they want for themselves all the time for their family and friends. If we can’t do something then for them then we feel guilty or if we want something for ourselves. Personally, I’m tried of it. I’m tired of feeling guilty for wanting something for myself. If we are worn out then we can’t make our family happy either.

So, I have resolved that this is The YEAR OF ME!!! I want to write a book so, under threat of sever and harsh torturous death, when I am writing I am not to be disturbed.

If office/craft room door is shut then I am not to be bugged. Mark and I are enforcing it as well. I deserve to do for me plus if it sells and I can make money then that will benefit them as well. So, why shouldn’t I do it and why shouldn’t they help me by not bugging the crap out of me and asking stupid questions like “Can I take a shower?” I don’t even answer that any more. The rule is showers are cut off at nine pm. They can take one when ever they want before that as long as dishes and laundry isn’t being done.


Also, I need to get the whole house organized so I am going to start knocking that out one room at a time. The basement is ALMOST done. All I have to do is organize a little in Tony’s room and get the laundry off the floor. I only have two loads to do and then I can sweep the whole floor and it will be done then. My bedroom is done. So, is the bathroom and living room. If there is something in another room that I want in that one then I am putting it right where I want it right then and there. The dining room is on my list after grocery shopping tomorrow. Now, my office and craft area is a work in progress. I hate paperwork and so do a little at a time. The crafts are all in boxes and I need to get those out and where I want them. That just leaves 2 other bedrooms, closet’s (most of which are done because they are just coats) dining room (have a few things needed to go through from the basement) and Kitchen (which is not going to be hard either). It’s just getting off my ass and doing it. So, I’m not going to be kicking everyone else in the ass I’m just going to kick myself.


I used to be accused of f&$%ing the doctor if I went so I HATE going. But I have had cancer (luckily caught in stage one and has not returned been 13 years this Nov.) so I do need regular check-ups. Well, Mark is not like that and I do have health problems just don’t know them all. Wednesday I’m going to call and make the appointments.


I want to quit smoking. I’m just tired of it. Will that I will wait until spring so I can air the house. Mark smokes as well and did before we met and I don’t think it is right for me to make him.


As you notice it’s all about me and what I want and what I want to do and that’s going to be the way it is this year. They can like it or lump it but EVERYTHING I am going to be doing will benefit them as well. That’s why I REFUSE to feel guilty. Plus that takes to much energy that I could be using for something for ME! LOL.

Why should we feel guilty about wanting a little something something for ourselves. We give other all the time. Our time money and attention. Why shouldn’t we give back to ourselves and make our lives richer and fuller? It only makes us better more well rounded people.

One thing I always wanted to get and will get to in time is a college education. I’m one of those though that would take any course that interested me and then go back to take another. I LOVE learning and always have. I got away from even really reading because my books would be ripped up and I ended up “dummying down” but that is going to change.

I WILL GET INTO COLLEGE ONE DAY! No time frame on this because of finances, time and needing to get over a few things but that is about to change. Mark starts trade school in March and will have a good job after and Jessica will be 8 in May. She’s the youngest and when she is out of elementary I can going back. So, that gives me three years to get the finances in order enough so I don’t need to work as well.

So, join me in The YEAR OF ME! And do something, anything, even if it’s just one thing, in doing something for yourself that you always put off because of guilt and (like nike says) just do it and DON’T FEEL GUILTY!

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